I couldn’t decide what to title this post, since I didn’t know what I was going to write about until I sat down and started typing.

November Rain (we’ve had a lot of that!)?

November Spawned a Monster (nah – no spawning occurred, nor monsters, and fuck Morrissey)…

Gone ‘Til November (sort of…..but not quite right)?

And then I started writing, and I realized that I’m doing a lot of thinking about learning lately, and how hard it is. A title will magically appear by the end of this post, because I’ll learn something along the way. That’s usually how it goes.

So – learning. My English Channel Swim That Wasn’t was definitely one of the bigger learning experiences of my life. All that training, the effort to learn to swim for that long, the logistics of getting to Dover, learning to wait, learning about the wind – the factor that would ultimately be my nemesis, learning to project a positive mindset in the face of disappointment, and learning how to come home having not swam and deal with the personal fallout – these have all been major things in my life during the last two months. I found myself canceling plans so that I wouldn’t have to talk about it, or keeping conversations short when the topic came up. I avoided writing about it, and I avoided the pool for a few weeks so as not to be recognized as “the swimmer who didn’t get to swim.” I felt guilty about fundraising and not being able to follow through. I felt guilty about the attention I received, which felt like it was all for naught. My Inner Imposter syndromed its nasty way into my dreams and thoughts on long, pensive walks. I knew I was going to have to learn to deal with this and process it much in the same way I’ve processed other big tough disappointing things, or I’d never lift my head above the surface.

This is where I am right now – processing – but also gradually “chalking it up to experience”, as the saying goes. I took some advice and started booking swims for next year, because one thing I have learned about myself is that I do need those future milestones to reach for in order to not become a drifting, shiftless mess. I’m leaning into feeling the feelings of now, but focusing on the months ahead where several fucking awesome trips and swims and challenges are going to happen.

While the English Channel remains firmly in my sights, I did not accept a less-than-stellar slot for 2025. Instead, I took a confirmed #2 spot for the first week of September 2026. If a fortuitous cancellation happens in summer 2025 with my pilot Andy King of the Louise Jane II (as sometimes happens), I will jump on it and pop back over to Dover. It will be like I never left! My tears are still drying on the beach….

Otherwise, I will continue my goal of achieving the Triple Crown of Open Water Swimming by swimming the Catalina Channel first. Future milestone #1 burst into and all over reality when I was in Dover, distraught that the Channel wasn’t gonna happen. I thought that I might be able to get a late season spot for Catalina, but had a helpful and informative call with Dave from the Catalina Channel Swimming Federation who informed me about the length of the registration process (too long to make it happen in 2024) and new forms and fees for 2025. I secured a pilot, paddlers (thanks SUMMER!!), and nabbed a confirmed date of June 29, 2025. This storied swim involves swimming approximately 34 km at night from Catalina Island to Long Beach, California, and I had originally planned to take it on in 2026. But since I’m learning to roll with the punches and seize the goddamn day, it has become my main training focus for the year ahead. I’m looking forward to bioluminescence, big grey shapes beneath me, and being able to invite a few more peeps to support and celebrate. It will be the Canada Day Long Weekend, after all. 🙂

Future milestone #2 came in the form of a WhatsApp message from my good friend and absolute swimming legend, Martyn Webster, who suggested that I grab a spot on a Swim Trek trip to Croatia in early April. I’ve wanted to do a Swim Trek trip forever and maybe even guide for them someday, so it seems to be the perfect opportunity to get some early season coooooold ass training under my belt. The trip is classified “ultra” and features 6 days of coached swims, video analysis, and seminars. Learning! It also includes the chance to do a 6-hour cold water qualifier, which will come in super handy should an elusive English Channel slot materialize in the meantime. I’ve never been to Croatia and can think of nothing better than exploring the Prvić Luka and the Dalmatian Coast from the freezing water with good pals.

With these lofty future milestones in mind, I’ve shifted from some half-hearted fall maintenance swimming into my brand new full-on plan. I enlisted the help of English ultra-swimmer Amy Ennion again, since her English Channel plan helped me get focused, faster, and motivated to take on the big swims. This year’s plan challenges me to learn how to swim faster and better, instead of just longer. There are a lot of plans and planners out there, but I believe that Amy is simply THE BEST. She took the time to get to know me, was available for necessary check-ins and rejigs, and her cheerful and motivating demeanor was just what I needed to structure my training.

The perfect title for this post occurred to me when writing this last paragraph about the most important learning this experience has given me – the learnings I learned from my coach and mentor Brent Hobbs. Brent has generously worked with me for almost four years now, and he is a constant source of knowledge, experience, and laughter. When I think back on the trip to England and the swim that wasn’t, I think about Brent and his constant good humour in the face of uncertainty. I think of how he crammed scones with cream and jam into his face with wild abandon. How he’d strike up a jolly conversation with anyone in a pub (and we went to a LOT of pubs). How he dragged my flagging ass down to the Dover Harbour for another swim, day after day, doing his signature flip turns off the slimy breaker walls and butterflying into the waves. How he ate more fish and chips than any person ever should, yet ran the Folkestone Half Marathon the day after we departed. How Scott and I laughed until we peed at the videos he sent from Liverpool, where he painted the town red dancing in Beatles bars and enchanted the locals. How he made us say, “It’s a bit shit, innit” when it was really more than a bit shit. How he understood how I was feeling, but somehow helped me learn how to keep it all in perspective. And how – in every situation – there is a Monty Python song that is just perfect for the occasion.

And there you have it – the post and the title: The Meaning of Life: Growth and Learning.

Thanks Brent.